The Pain You Drive Into The Heart Of Me [entries|friends|calendar] Bloodshed Goth [ website | Morbid Music ] [ userinfo | deadjournal userinfo ] [ calendar | deadjournal calendar ]

Important Update [29 Dec 2004|08:54am] I'm not gonna be update DeadJournal or LiveJournal in a very long time because I've found a new home at MySpace. It's way better than these online journals and I love it. Sorry. You can view my MySpace page without having an account, so it's all good and if you really care to find out what's up with me every day, here's the page: http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=6574114&Mytoken=20041229085554 3 comments|post comment

Break Down And Cry... [28 Dec 2004|12:50pm] [ mood | numb ] [ music | "Young Americans" - The Cure ] Suddenly I feel very ill. I'm getting dizzy and there's a really strange feeling of disgust in the pit of my stomach. I almost feel like I'm going to throw up or something. Very light-headed. I haven't been consuming anything strange lately, though. It just feels like I went through a rush. I don't know what's wrong with me. These last few days have seemed very long and annoying. I don't know what I want to happen anymore. I'm getting all sweaty. post comment

OIy... [28 Dec 2004|10:55am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | "Do The Hansa" - The Cure ] It was too crowded so we're gonna retake my license test tomorrow instead. And I'm completely confidente I'll pass this time. Then I'll schedule my drive for Saturday. And if I pass, I'll try to reserve a parking spot on Monday because I need to start driving on Tuesday. Hopefully Katerz's dad remembers to tell her I called last night so she calls me back. I want to have her over. post comment

Dun Dun DUN! [28 Dec 2004|08:45am] [ mood | scared ] [ music | None yet. ] I'm about to go retake my license. I hope I pass either today or tomorrow, because the latest I can schedule my drive is Saturday. What sucks is that the test changes its questions each time...If it stayed the same, I'd have no problem. I'd better get to studying. Wish me luck! post comment

Ohhhhhh My God... [27 Dec 2004|09:31pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | "Out Of Mind" - The Cure ] Katerz won't be home until around 11:30 tomorrow. I'm gonna have her call me so we can make plans because out of all my friends, she's the one I most enjoy sharing white cheddar popcorn with. Don't ask. I called Josh; turns out he COULDN'T call me due to cell phone issues XD I'll be calling him again in an hour. So here's a list of what I'm doing for the rest of the break...Sort of for myself, but I may as well just post it here. Tuesday: Retaking license test. Having Katerz over and possibly spending the night? Wednesday: Retaking license test if I failed it the day before. I sort of want to have Josh over on this day, if he can make it. Thursday: Retaking license test if I failed it the above times. My cousin's possibly coming over and staying for a few days. Friday: Getting my bangs dyed red, and we have to bleach my hair as well. That's all that I know of. I'm gonna walk around the house now. Because I'm bored. post comment

Help... [27 Dec 2004|07:46pm] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | "Sugar Girl" - The Cure ] Why didn't Jazz call me back? Why hasn't Katerz called me in two days? Why hasn't Josh called me in the last three days? Why hasn't John called me in the last five days? Why has no one been calling me? I'm so confused...I understand getting no calls on X-Mas Eve or X-Mas (I did), but it's been two days...I feel so deprived. I've been having strange, realistic, random dreams lately and I've been feeding off of those. Do they have any real meaning? I'm scared. I haven't been scared in a long time, but I am now. I think I'll call Katerz at 8 and find out if she'll be busy tomorrow. I might call Josh if I can't get ahold of her. post comment

Oh Shit, Son. [27 Dec 2004|04:14pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | "Strange Love" - Depeche Mode ] Here's the deal. On January 4th, the day before my birthday, my mom goes in for her surgery. After the process, she won't be able to do anything for the rest of the month. Therefore, she cannot drive my brother and I to school. We really hate riding the bus, especially in the mornings, so here's what I'm going to try for. I'm going to take the knowledge test every day this week starting tomorrow until I pass it. Then, I'm going to schedule for my drive a few days later, to give me some time to practice a shitload, especially in parallel parking. Hopefully I'll pass the test the first time, and then I can get my license. Afer that, I'll reserve my parking space at school and be able to drive my brother and I to school using my mom's car. After that, I'll be able to drive us to school every Monday unless my mom needs the car. Wish me luck. It's a heavy goal, but I'm going to try my hardest. post comment

A Run Of What I Got For X-Mas Because I'm Just That Bored. [27 Dec 2004|11:08am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | None. Too Lazy. ] Here's everything total that I got this year. Sort of for myself, but why not post it publically (sp?)? $1500 G5 iMac with wireless mouse/keyboard Edward Scissorhands Playing Cards The Cure: Join The Dots The Cure: Wish Jack Off Jill: Sexless Demons And Scars Calendar: The Nightmare Before Christmas Calendar: The Crow Calendar: Kittens The Crow DVD Boxed Set (All Three) The Nightmare Before Christmas DVD - Special Edition $10 Blockbuster $25 Barnes & Noble Glass Perfume Holder Book Light (Ear) Black Fleece Blanket/Pillow The Sims (Burned Copy) Dozen Red Roses One X-Mas Card Candy/Fruit (Hardly Counts) Cell Phone (Not Yet) Shopping (Not Yet) That's all that I can think of. I'm extremely satisfied. I'm in love with this computer. You would be too if you'd had the same annoying purple iMac for six years. And I'm excited about the cell phone and shopping, of course. post comment

Do The Haaaansaaaaaa... [27 Dec 2004|11:02am] [ mood | blah ] [ music | "Do The Hansa" - The Cure ] Yesterday was so uneventful. I found more people on MySpace, and now I have purple-haired Jessika's screen name. The only peson who called me yesterday was Jazz, but she never called me back. I cried myself to sleep late into the night, and woke up just now after having a weird dream involving a lot of people; namely John Kerry, Brandon, Lauren, Nico, and Josh. The roses are dying; crispy petals are falling. He still hasn't called me in exactly three days. Just because I have white cheddar popcorn and new DVDs doesn't mean I should have Katerz over. I don't want her over. I'm gonna take a shower. post comment

Dizzy. [26 Dec 2004|04:52pm] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | Too dizzy to listen to music. ] I don't know what my deal is all of a sudden. I didn't get to bed until 3 AM last night, and I had a weird dream involving Katerz and Nico. I woke up around noon, which is way later than I usually do. My arms feel really weak for some reason. I almost feel like I need to take a nap. I haven't talked to Josh in two days. I want Katerz to come over, but she's celebrating X-Mas at her dad's house today. I'm sick of being on the computer or watching TV, and there's nothing else to do. I want to watch The Crow with somebody besides my family. Anybody. I think I'm gonna lie down... post comment

Even More Yayness! [25 Dec 2004|05:17pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | "Hello I Love You" - The Cure ] My mom has just informed me that I'm getting a cell phone soon! It's gonna be just a plain ordinary old cell phone (none of the fancy silver flip dealies), but it's a phone none-the-less, and for that I am grateful. I don't even need one or anything, but my parents want me to have one so they can know where I am because half the time I'm with my boyfriend, I haven't really called to tell them where the hell I am. And since I'm almost 17 and getting my license evenetually, I think having a cell phone is a hint that more freedom will be allowed into my life...And then maybe someday I'll be allowed to ride the city bus! XD My mom informed me that when we go shopping next week, she might buy me a new pair of pants AND BOOTS! I'm so excited. I'm sick of wearing the same pants every day because my old pants got a hole in the butt XD I could get it fixed, but blah...Anyway, NEW BOOTS! I'm so freaking excited! I've seriously never owned boots before. I want platform ones to make me appear taller than I actually am. Really really bad. Josh needs to tell me what he wants for his birthday, even though it's still about a month away...Which reminds me, I need to have my dad order my Crow bag and my glasses. Toodles. 3 comments|post comment

On And On The Music Plays, Memories In Paraphrase... [25 Dec 2004|02:33pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | "Holiday" - The Birthday Massacre ] I just watched Frankenweenie for the first time in about 12 years on my computer. The beginning was so sad, and I could hardly remember anything from the first time I saw it. All I remembered was that Sparky dies at the beginning by a truck (erm, it was actually a car) and that Victor finds out through his science class that you can revive an animal using electricity, so he brings Sparky back to life. I completely forgot about the neighbors hating him. I can now see how Edward Scissorhands was influenced. Very sad. I think I'll call Josh tomorrow, unless he calls me first. I want to have him over again so we can rewatch The Crow now that I have the boxed set. I want to have Jessica over sometime too, if she's allowed, so that I can show her more of The Cure with my Join The Dots album (she only has the latest album, bleh). Some 46-year-old man added me to his Friends list. I don't care, as long as he doesn't actually send me messages. Ew. Anyway, I found out who that Ashley girl is! It's actually Lauren's friend, I've met her quite a few times. So yes, now I have four friends on there...Ashley, Megan, Caitie, and some Japanese chick...Er, and this old man named Frank XD I'm so confused. I really hate it when online people IM me and tell me their life stories as if I truly care. Yeah, someone just did that. They asked me what I got today, and after I told them, they were like "...Cool...Anyway, I got a paintball gun. It sucks because last year I got a big flat-screen TV!" Oh boo-hoo, your parents didn't feel like spending over $1000 on you this year. Whatever. Stupid kid's probably lying anyway. That's what I hate about communication with people you'll never meet. The rest of my family's downstairs watching The Tick. I think I might watch one of my DVDs now or something. I'm bored! Help! post comment

Don Said I Should Take This. [25 Dec 2004|02:16pm] [ music | "Holiday" - The Birthday Massacre ] THREE NAMES YOU GO BY: Sarah, Sarerz, Bloodshed THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD: CheddarCleavage, SwissTitties, Barubito THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: My height, my eyes, my personality THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: Anti-socialism, physically weak, flippy hair THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE: British, German, Swedish THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: Loss, fire, drowning THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS: Chapstick, music, my cat THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW: Josh's sweatshirt, Bauhaus tank top, bondage pants THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists (at the moment)): The Cure, Jack Off Jill, The Birthday Massacre THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT: "The Caterpillar", "Angels Fuck", "Holiday" THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS: College tours, expand vocabulary, get my license THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given): Honesty, commitment, foreplay TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: My cat got bored of her cat nip toy, I didn't get my allowance today, I'm in love THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU: Height, Hair, Eyes THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO: Go more than two days without a shower, skate, run fast. THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES: Music, Movies, Stuffed Animal Collecting THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW: See Josh, go shopping, have a get together with my friends. THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING: Writing, Web Design, Graphic Design THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION: Disney World, Seattle, San Fransisco THREE KID'S NAMES: Trent, Nosferatu, Serena THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: Get married, graduate from PSU, start a very successful career. THREE PEOPLE WHO SHOULD TRY THIS QUIZ: Kitty, Lauren S., Josh. post comment

YES! [25 Dec 2004|12:07pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | "End Of The World" - The Cure ] Freaking sweet! My dad informed my brother and I that we each had X-Mas gifts hidden in the tree. Ryan's was a third computer game, and mine was THE CURE'S JOIN THE DOTS! YES! It's the biggest and most expensive CD I asked for on my list XD It must have costed my dad like, $50. It has four CDs in there along with a huge booklet thing about the band. It has well over 100 songs on there, and each CD is full. There's even three different versions of The Cure's cover for The Doors's "Hello I Love You". I think I'm going to die of happiness. I've wanted this album for so long! Ah, and I did get my allowance this month. I guess I'll order the glasses and The Crow book bag. I can't wait to go shopping with my mom in a few days...I really hope she lets me go to Hot Topic, and I reall hope she might let me get boots? I want boots. Very badly. Preferable platform boots, but NOT high heels. I hate high heels now. They're okay to wear every now and then, but I want boots I can wear frequently without complaint. Off to admire my gifts now! post comment

w00tness! [25 Dec 2004|11:02am] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | "Angels Fuck" - Jack Off Jill ] I've finally opened presents! I got the two DVDs I asked for (TNBC and The Crow boxed set) and the two calendars I asked for (TNBC and The Crow). That's all for the stuff that was actually on my list. I never got a Hot Topic gift card, but my mom said she'll take me shopping in a few days (probably for clothes), so I'm assuming we might go to Hot Topic. I asked for 10 CDs and didn't get any (which was expected), but I did get 20 blank CDs so I can burn a lot! Yay! Hm...What else...I got a Kittens calendar, which is um...~Cough~ Great...I think after three calendars, that should be enough, but sure. Oh yeah, and I got a random black and white blanket and a mini-pillow. Warm and cozy. That's basically it! I didn't expect to get any of the CDs because almost all of them were Explicit Content aside from The Cure and The Smiths. One year, I listed about ten DVDs and only got one (Zoolander) because all the others were rated R. Oh well, at least my friends got me CDs! Turns out my dad never ordered my Nu Wave glasses or The Crow book bag. Which is okay, because I'm pretty sure we're not getting our allowances this month anyway. Weird. That's okay though...Because I think I'm still going to wait for eBay to have a Robert Smith tote bag. And I don't need those glasses. It's all good. I'm gonna go check out The Sims XD My brother got it with his new computer. Sweet! post comment

Hey... Hey... Hey... Hey, I'm Bored! [25 Dec 2004|09:06am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | My parents would kill me if I was listening to my music now! ] XD How sad...But yeah, I have to wait another hour or so to open presents because that's when my aunt and uncle arrive. Aside from all the pointless fruit and candy in my stocking, I got $25 for Barnes & Noble, which is ironic because I don't like reading. Oh well. I'll probably spend it on something really random then. I really hope my aunt and uncle don't get me anymore random Chinese/Japanese acessories because I totally hate that stuff now. Knowing them, though, half the stuff they get me will probably consist of that XD Oh well. Really, I don't even want anything besides CDs. That was random. My mom just came in and yelled at me for not doing chores, even though I just did. Good times. I'm gonna go clean my room now and hope that can somehow stretch into an hour. post comment

No Way! [24 Dec 2004|11:33pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | None...Must Be Quiet! ] XD It's sad that I'm up late on X-Mas Eve. Anyway, I was just browsing around on My Space, and I found out some girl from Japan added me to her Friends list. Weird! Also, some girl named Ashley said that she knew me, but I don't know who she is. Oh well. So anyway, I found all these people that I've seen around from school, but have never talked to before really! I found Caitie on there, so obviously I added her...And then I found Megan Lee on there, so I added her too because, well, why not? It's so weird that all these people have MySpace accounts! I still can't find Lauren's or Don's yet...I will in due time. I rewatched the first episode of The Tick. I'd watch more, but I really should get to bed about now. Oh yeah, my mom let my brother and I each open up one present since it's X-Mas Eve, only SHE got to choose which ones we opened, and they were the same thing...Book lights. Not that it's bad or anything, it's just that I'd really like to see wtf is in that one present I'm confused about. Oh well. The book light thing is pretty nifty. It goes around your ear like headphones do, so it's pretty sweet. Kay, I'm gonna get ready for bed now. Night and Merry X-Mas! post comment

Avril The Ultimate Hypocridiot [24 Dec 2004|10:31pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | "Incense And Peppermints" - Strawberry Alarm Clock ] All I ever knew about Avril was that she dressed and acted punk, but that her music was 100% pop. Read this article. I think I truly despise her now. http://www.recroommagazine.com/articles/avril.htm 4 comments|post comment

X-Mas Eve! [24 Dec 2004|07:55pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | "Nevermind" - The Birthday Massacre ] Although I already got my X-Mas present basically, I'm still excited for tomorrow. I have two presents under the tree from my parents, so that's pretty cool. One's obviously a calendar (hopefully one of the two that I asked for), but the other one just plain puzzles me. Ryan and I have a present that we share as well, and I'm almost positive it's the printer. I took pictures of the roses Josh gave me yesterday. It's sad that they're already dying, though I'm giving them fresh water every day. I'm not sure if Josh was going to call me again tonight or not, but I'm guessing not. That's okay; I'll hear from him eventually. My aunt and uncle are going to be over here from 9 to 4. They can be so freaking annoying...But oh well. I'll live. It sucks because apparent my dad never ordered my stuff from Hot Topic XD So yeah...I'm pretty screwed as far as that goes. Oh well. post comment

A Real Update! [24 Dec 2004|12:15pm] [ mood | busy ] [ music | "Devil With The Black Dress On" - Jack Off Jill ] Yesterday was pretty cool. Jessica called me, so we walked down to the Coffee House over by Minit Mart and she bought me a hot chocolate. She's so sweet! XD And lucky because she actually has a job. Then we went back to her house and she showed me some music and people from her Alki yearbook. I walked to my house just as Katerz was, so she came over and we watched Napoleon Dynamite. We have to take it back today, though. I don't know if I want to own it on DVD or not because I've seen in four times now and it's getting hella old. We downloaded more music for CD which will be made sometime before the break is over. Then she decided to spend the night, so we stayed up and watch some episodes of The Tick on DVD (my dad bought it) XD And it's the most hilarious show ever, I swear to god! "...No offence, Tick." "None comprehended!" XD Oh man... I talked to Josh last night also. John called a little later, but I don't think I'll have to worry about him anymore. I was getting freaked out over some things he was saying the night before on the phone, but I'm pretty sure he's stopping for good now. But if he says one more thing like that to me...Josh is going to have a talk with him. Even though I think he should have a talk with him anyway. I have to vacuum the whole house now. Suckage. And then I have to call Josh at 1. I'm pretty sure I have to help my parents wrap presents today since it's X-Mas even and all, but who knows...Toodles. post comment

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